Paste a CSV at a model and ask 'any insights?' and you'll get horoscopes: confident, generic, unfalsifiable. This template forces the analyst workflow instead: describe the data first (rows, columns, ranges, what's missing — catches half of all wrong conclusions), find patterns with the numbers attached, tie every claim to a specific comparison ('segment A converts at 2.1× B'), rank findings by actionability, and end with the checks that would kill each finding.
The last section is what separates analysis from horoscope: every finding ships with its kill test — the confound to check or the cut of the data that would falsify it. If a finding has no possible kill test, it wasn't a finding.